STARTROPICS - THE MST

MSTers:

Kjorteo (Kjorteo) - Himself
Kumo Atsureki (Kumo) - Himself
Xaq Shenor (Xaq) - Himself
Emperor Spade (Spade) - Kjorteo and Xaq
Orin (Orin) - Kjorteo

LEGEND:

Important person in game: What they say
-Unimportant person in game (ie random townsperson): What they say
(Editor's note, ie for describing cutscenes and such)
[Text for the introductions to each chapter]
*Action*
{Location}
<Denotes going into a dungeon, usually with a brief description of the boss at the end of it if there is one>

-----

Spade: What the...Kjorteo!?  I thought you were in the hospital after that FFMQ MST!
Kjorteo: Well, they moved me to an institution, actually.  But I escaped!  MWAHAHAHA!
Xaq (from next room): Escaped nothin'! If I hadn't won the 48 bucks they charged me to release you at bingo last night you'd STILL be trying to climb flashlight beams!
Spade: Um...OK....
Kjorteo: Anyway, I have another game for us to do.
Spade: Uh-oh.
Kjorteo: Relax, it's actually a game that's fun to play this time...it's just that the dialogue had it coming.  Hence, we MST....StarTropics!!
*Ominous crash of thunder*
Xaq (still from next room): YEOW!!!! ...Sheesh, and I thought I was a static zap magnet BEFORE..
*Kjorteo walks into the theatre, leaving a somewhat confused Spade to look about the room as Xaq appears*
Xaq: *munch* *munch* *glances at Spade for a moment before holding a small box out* Cracker Jack?
*With that, Kjorteo, Xaq, Spade, and Kumo all enter the theater*

----------

STARTROPICS (tm)
(c) 1990 Nintendo

(Begin with an areal view of a large island shaped like the letter "C", with a smaller island in the middle of it, connected to the main island by a small strip of land.  Suddenly a helicopter flies up from the bottom of the screen, and lowers itself towards a small helipad on the lower right section of the island, landing there.)

---
Kjorteo: Ze plane, ze plane!!
Xaq: Someone care to explain how they can afford a heliport when they can't even afford aluminum siding?
Kumo: Or a decent writer.
---

[#1: Prelude -- One day in summer, you land at C-Island where Dr. Jones has his laboratory...]

---
Kjorteo *Starts singing* Mr. JONES and me....
Spade: One day in summer?  Why not one day in winter?  Or two days in summer?
Xaq: You kidding? Who would want to go somewhere warm like that in the WINTER? *snickers*
Kumo: Who said it was warm?  You never know what the C stands for.
---

*After wandering around aimlessly on the C-Island world map for a bit, you enter the village of Coralcola*

---
Kumo: What gawdy colors!!  Who designed this planet!?
---

{Coralcola}
-Man: Welcome to Coralcola!
-Man: Welcome to C-Island!

---
Xaq: Little late there pal. Next time try waiting at the heliport.
Kumo: Especially since that other guy has the monopoly on the town's only entrance.  (Jeez, that town must be a real fire hazard.... *evil grin*)
---

-Boy: Mike! You're an ace pitcher, I hear. Show me how to throw a fast ball sometime?

---
Kumo: (Mike) Eat plenty of steroids, and one day you'll grow up to be a big, fat sprite like me!
---

-Woman: Have you met our cheif yet? He's waiting for you

---
Kjorteo: That sounds ominous....
Xaq: Especially when you consider the fact that the guy wears nothing more than a leaf skirt..
Kumo: And he insists on being right in your face while talking to you, whereas the rest of the villagers stay in their bird's eye view position.
---

-Boy: Mike, your uncle told me about you. I feel like we are old friends

---
Kumo: (Boy) Do you need a stalker?  I swear I'll do a good job!
---

-Girl: I'm Miss Coral 1990. Do you think I'm pretty?

---
Spade: (Mike) Well, to be honest....
Xaq: Well, it's not her fault NES sprites were never known for their looks.
Kumo: The great thing about this game is that you can literally walk away while someone's talking to you.  Try it!
---

-Woman: I have to hurry! I'm gonna roast a pig for your welcome party
-Pig: Oink !  Oink !
*The pig turns around, basically mooning Mike (And he even has a suggestively placed pixel beneath his tail!)*

---
Kjorteo: ^o.O^ How did Nintendo get away with doing that??  And why??
Xaq: Knowing Nintendo, that's one question probably best left unanswered..
Kumo: Just like everything Disney ever did.  Atlantis, for instance.  What were they thinking?
---

-Girl: Your uncle, Dr. Jones, is so nice. We call him "Dr. J"

---
Kumo: How nice of him to let a flake like you even speak to him.
---

Oh, last week I met Dr. J. He was very busy solving some strange puzzle

---
Kjorteo: (Girl) He calls it a "Rubik's Cube"/From what I understand, it's very difficult
Kumo: Actually, it's one of those where you have to slide the plastic squares around to make the snowman's face, but, since this island doesn't have the technology to make interlocking plastic squares, he could just pick them up and set them where they were supposed to go.  It was a 3x3 puzzle, and he's been working on it for ten weeks.
---

-Old Woman: Where do you come from? Americola....??

---
Xaq: Geez, how addicted to soda WERE these programmers?!
Spade: Well, I don't think any of them has gotten an ounce of sleep since they made this game...
---

-Old Man: Last night I gazed up at the Southern Cross. Suddenly I saw many shooting stars....
Legends say shooting stars are omens of disaster! Oh me!  Oh my!

---
Kjorteo: Wait, aren't shooting stars GOOD?  One wouldn't normally make wishes on omens of disaster....
Kumo: Oh, I dunno, I would have made a wish or two if I was stepping onto the Hindenburg.
---

-Boy: I heard you were coming. Want to go fishing?

---
Kumo: Fishing?  What's wrong with you!?  We're on an island!!!  Oh, wait....
---

-Guard: Who are you? Stay away from here!

---
Xaq: Nice how everyone but the guard knows who you are, eh Mike?
---

{Chief's Hut}
Chief: I've been waiting for you! I'm chief Coralcola and a good friend of your uncle
Listen Mike!  I have some... bad news... last night...
try not to be too upset... but...

---
Kumo: (Chief) I... raped... the... pig!
---

your uncle... Dr. Jones... has been.....abducted!

---
Spade: (Chief) And... I... got... addicted... to... ellipses!
Xaq: Hate to break it to ya, Chief, but I found the plot of Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest to be more suspenseful.
---

We must keep this from the islanders so they don't panic

---
Kumo: Dr. J was our entire economy!  Imagine the turmoil, oh, imagine the turmoil!
---

You are the best hope of rescuing Dr. Jones
I don't know what to do. Can you help?
(You get a Yes or No choice, but if you choose No, it just loops back to "You are the best hope of rescuing Dr. Jones/I don't know what to do. Can you help?" and asks again, until you finally say Yes)

---
Kjorteo: "But thou must!"
Xaq: Don't you just love all these no-choice choices you get?
Kumo: Well, the NES had about 3½ bits of memory (don't ask me how you can get half a bit), so their space for story-affecting switches was precious little.  "let a=no; if a then goto line one", on the other hand....
---

Chief: Good!  You're brave. Take this island yoyo
You may think this yoyo is just a toy, but it's very powerful
Mike! You're an ace pitcure. Use it!

---
Spade: What does being an ace pitcher have to do with being able to wield a yoyo?
Xaq: About as much as being a garden implement and a card suit has to do with being able to run an empire. I just hope this is one of those old Filipino hunting yoyos, and not a Duncan Butterfly....
---

*** You've got a yoyo! ***

---
Kumo: Not quite enough stars.
*********************
***More like this.***
*********************
When there's no plot, we have to make up for it with graphics.
---

Chief: Mike, it looks peaceful around here... but in the dark below...
many monsters have appeared these last few years

---
Kumo: (Chief) They stole all my clothes and proclaimed me chief!
---

Don't let them get you!
Mike, the fate of your uncle is in your hands
Find a tunnel in the village and hury to Dr. J's laboratory
{Outside the hut}
-Guard: Oh, you're Dr. J's nephew! Here is the tunnel. Good luck!

---
Xaq: You'd think Mike would've just told him LAST time..
---

*As you descend into the tunnel, a shaman appears*
Shaman: I'm the shaman and sister of the island chief

---
Spade: Oh, so THAT'S how the chief got elected....
Xaq: Oh dear...the American political system must be contagious.
---

Your uncle was abducted because he found a secret in the lost ruins!
I have great hope that you will succeed in rescuing Dr. Jones

---
Kjorteo: "your uncle", "Dr. Jones", and "Dr. J"....could they come up with any more ways to name this person, by any chance?
---

Just like your North Star, island sailors look for the Southern Cross
Mike! Many wild monsters await you in the dark below
But remember! The magic of the Southern Cross is always on your side
Now begin the test of island courage!  Good luck!

---
Kjorteo: So they test someone's courage by abducting his uncle and making him rescue him with a yoyo?
Spade: Strange customs these islanders have....
Kumo: This is nothing compared to what they do in Texas.
---

<The C-Island tunnel is more or less straightforward, you walk through and defeat the monsters on the way.  On the way through, you pick up some torches.  The boss is the "C-Serpent," a giant snake that periodically opens its mouth to shoot fire at you.  The idea is to dodge that while firing your supply of torches into its open mouth.>

---
Xaq: "C Serpent"...and people say *I* come up with bad puns.
Kumo: But you do.
---

{Outside the tunnel}

*** Wow! You've done it! ***
*** Now saving your data.... Refrain from turning power off or resetting!! ***

---
Spade: "Refrain from" makes it sound like it's an addiction or bad habit or something.
Kjorteo: (Gamer) Must not turn off power or reset...but...the craving...gah!!
Kumo: Personally, I find the power button pretty irresistable.
---

*** Good luck! ***

{You walk around on the world map some more before reaching the little strip of land going to the center island, which has Baboo standing on it}

Baboo: Hi, I'm Baboo, Dr. J's assistant

---
Kjorteo: (Sally) My sweet Baboo!
Kumo: Doesn't it seem kind of soon to be in the place that looks like it would be the point of the final conflict?
---

Mike! You know Dr. J has a submarine, called Sub-C

---
Spade: (Mike) I do?
Kumo: We all live in a yellow submarine....
---

The ID code to start the engine of Sub-C is 1492
*** Memorized the ID code! ***
Baboo: Please get on board Sub-C in the laboratory
I wish I could tell you more but I'm afraid of...of...

---
Xaq: Ahh yes, the ever-growing epidemic of "...of...phobia"..poor guy.
Kumo: I think the technical term is prepositional possesive ellipsis syndrome.
Spade: (Baboo) I'm afraid of...of...giving away the plot too soon and ruining the already mediocre at best attempts at suspense!
---

*Baboo steps out of the way, letting you get to the laboratory, which instantly transports you to the Sub-C*

{Sub-C}

(There's a small purplish-greyish robot on board, that looks like the old R.O.B. things they had for Gyromite and a few other NES games.)

---
Kumo: Maybe there IS something fun about this game....
---

* In the cockpit of Sub-C...

---
Spade: ...there was a hot, wild sex scene!
---

Robot: Welcome on board. I am the navigational computer of Sub-C
Call me Nav-Com!
Nav-Com: Input the ID code now
ID code 1492.... Start engine.... Aye aye, captain!
Sub-C is ready to launch. All ahead full!

---
Xaq: I wonder if Dr. Jones ever heard of an "ignition key"..
Kumo: Why would he want to use a security like that when he could just make a big robot give the sub away to anyone who could name the year of Columbus' journey?
---

(The Sub-C takes off, leaving C-Island, with the chief and a few villagers standing on the world map, apparently seeing you off.)

---
Spade: And so, the adventure begins.
Kjorteo: (Mike, to Nav-Com) Wait...do you have any idea where we're GOING?
Kumo: And how did those villagers get through the tunnel without yo-yos, anyway?
---

[#2: Dolphins -- After a few hours voyage, Sub-C is still cruising on the ocean....]

---
Spade: Utterly lost, because Nav-Com's "Pick a random direction and keep going that way" navigation strategy didn't work after all....
Kumo: (Mike) I thought you said this was a three-hour tour!
---

*After moving east for a few seconds, a dolphin suddenly swims up to the Sub-C and surfaces in front of it*

---
Kjorteo: (Dolphin) That'll be $10 to use this patch of sea.  Sorry, no exceptions.
---

Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy?
Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain! She is a female dolphin. Will begin translation
Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Please find my son! He has disappeared
Nav-Com: Captain! May I promise her to find her boy dolphin?

---
Kumo: (Mike) Whatever shuts her up.  Just be ready to tear off eastward after you do.
---

(You get a Yes or No choice, but if you choose No, it just loops back to "Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Please find my son! He has disappeared/Captain! May I promise her to find her boy dolphin?" and asks again, until you finally say Yes)

---
Spade: Oh, OK, it's one of /those/ deals again.
Xaq: Don't look so shocked.
---

Nav-Com: Aye aye, captain!
Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Thank you! Please find my son

*Upon saying that, the dolphin suddenly submerges and leaves*

---
Kumo: (Mike) All right!  We're out of here.
Spade: Why does it seem like the dolpin wasn't exactly looking very hard herself?
---

*After heading east for a bit more, you see land, and there's a lighthouse right there.*

---
Spade: And upon ENTERING the lighthouse, we see that it's actually about 10 feet off the ground and the "light" is a little campfire lit in the middle of it.
---

{Lighthouse}

-Lighthouse Keeper: Hello! I maintain the lighthouse

---
Kjorteo: (Keeper) Despite the fact that it's the middle of the day and this thing wouldn't really do any good at night anyway.
---

So you're looking for a boy dolphin. Sorry, but I have not seen him
Oh, please visit my wife at our south house. She enjoys company

---
Kumo: Why not just give her more sex?  Or should we wear blindfolds when we enter?
Xaq: And how the heck can he tell she enjoys company if they're the only people on the island??
---

-Lighthouse Keeper: This island has some secret tunnels. Try searching for them!
And please visit my wife at our south house. She enjoys company

---
Kjorteo: (Keeper) Since I'm too busy pretending this is actually doing anything to go visit her myself, it'd be really nice of you to go do that for me.
Kumo: Hey, isn't this the forest that Hansel and Gretel....
Xaq: Well, even if it is, I could go for some gingerbread right now...can't be any more stale than this game's plot.
---

*After wandering around the island for a bit, you make it to the south house*

{South House}

-Keeper's wife: Welcome, welcome. It's so seldom my husband and I get visitors
So you're looking for a boy dolphin. Sorry, but I have not seen him
But early this morning, I saw a bottle on the beach
I wonder if it's a clue to the lost dolphin

---
Spade: (Wife) I also wonder if I could possibly have come up with a connection that made less sense if I tried.
Kumo: (Wife) On the side were the letters G-I-N.  That spells "dolphin", right?
---

(Though the beach was completely empty before, after talking with her that bottle she spoke of is magically there, ready to be collected.)

*** You got a bottle! ***
*** There is a note in the bottle. You read it....?? ***

---
Spade: (Narrator) Whoa, I didn't think you could do that!!
---

* Help! Captured by evil
* aliens. Tell my nephew
* to use code 1776     Dr.J

---
Kumo: Aliens that like to... reinact the Revolutionary War?
Xaq: How the heck did Jones know his nephew was gonna show up there, anyway!?
---

*** Memorized the ID Code! ***
*** Do you want to read it again? ***
(You get a Yes or No choice, if you say yes it just prints the letter again)

{Sub-C}

Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain! Input the ID Code now
ID Code 1776.... Aye aye, captain! Submergible system ready
Please press B-Button when you want to submerge

---
Kjorteo: (Nav-Com) Pretty please?  Last time someone tried using A-Button, and it really messed up the engine....
Xaq: Hmmmmm...do we dare try pressing the Select button instead?
---

*The ability to submerge allows the Sub-C to get to a different part of the island, where there is a big heart and a cave, which leads to this chapter's dungeon*

*** You've got a big heart! ***

---
Kjorteo: Is that because he agreed to find a lost dolphin?
Xaq: Naah...it's probably because he cleaned up the litter on that beach when he found the bottle.
---

*** Your life level is increased! ***

<As you're walking through this dungeon, you find two Snowman Dolls, which can freeze the room and everything in it (except you) when used.  In the room right before the boss, there's a small area of water, with one exit that's caged.  Inside is a baby dolphin, frantically making dolphin sound effects (and it also a little speech bubble that says "Help!" right above it.)  The boss is a giant pink octopus that shoots at you from afar and occasionally charges toward the bottom of the screen.  The idea is to wait until he charges, use a Snowman Doll to freeze him while he's in range, and beat the crap out of him with your yoyo.  After he dies, the baby dolphin swims up, makes a lot of dolphin sound effects, and then swims away as you're transported back to the world map.>

---
Spade: Why an octopus would cage a baby dolphin, though, perhaps will never be known.
Kjorteo: Next up on the discovery channel...when octopi take sex slaves!
Xaq: Discovery channel? Sounds more like a cancelled episode of Ricki Lake..
---

*** Wow! You've done it! ***

---
Kjorteo: (Narrator) I can't believe it!  I was sure you'd find the whole fetch quest too stupid and quit before you made it this far!  Amazing!
Xaq: *holds thumb and index finger about 1/100 of a millimeter apart* Came THAT close..
---

*** Now saving your data.... Refrain from turning power off or resetting!! ***
*** Good luck! ***
(It has those three lines every single time you complete a dungeon or tunnel, but for the sake of not being repetitive they won't be mentioned again after this.)

---
Xaq: Rats...that was the most interesting part of the game, too.
---

*The baby dolphin is waiting right next to the Sub-C*
Baby Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy?
Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain! He is the boy dolphin
He is thanking us for saving him. Let's signal his mother
*The mother dolphin suddenly appears next to the baby*

---
Kjorteo: (Mother Dolpin) And just WHERE have you been THIS time, young man!?  Do you have any idea what time it is!?
---

Mother Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? We'll never forget your kindness
Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Now we must help you! Please follow me
Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Please follow me
*The dolphins traverse their way through a patch of rocks, with the Sub-C following.  The Sub-C and both dolphins appear again on the other side.*
Mother Dolphin: Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? We'll never forget your kindness

---
Spade: Um...perhaps Nav-Com might want to take a look at the translator?  The mother seems to be getting kind of repetetive.
---

Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy? Good luck!

*The Sub-C starts moving east again, as the chapter fades out*

---
Kjorteo: STILL with no clear idea of where exactly they're going....
---

----------

<Suddenly, the image of StarTropics fades away, leaving the group in an empty theater>
Kjorteo: Huh?  What happened?
Spade: Uh...Kj?  We need to talk.
Kjorteo: Er...yes?
Spade: Well, you see...Kumo and Xaq just escaped.
Kjorteo: Huh?
Spade: Yeah...Kumo's seat is empty except for a little scarecrow and a note.  *Ahem*  "Had to go wash my hamster.  Be back never."
Kjorteo: And Xaq's?
Spade: Empty except for a little scarecrow and a note.  *Ahem*  "Had to go wash Kumo's hamster.  Be back never."
Kjorteo: Uh....OK....
Spade: So what do we do?
Kjorteo: Well, two people alone can't really dissect this thing....
Spade: So we get to give up and go home!  OK!!  Sounds good!!
<Spade makes a mad dash for the exit, Kjorteo grabs him>
Kjorteo: Nah-uh.  I JUST don't think so.  We're continuing, just...with new help.
<Kjorteo waves his free hand to open a trans-dimensional portal, and Orin falls out>
Orin: Eep!!  Uh...hi everyone....
Kjorteo/Spade: Hi.
Kjorteo: We need to employ your MSTing abilities to help take down this game.  We're two chapters in already, so I'll just let Spade do a convenient deleted scene where you magically get filled in on all the details of what you've missed so far.
<The whole room fades to total darkness for about five seconds, and then the lights return>
Orin: I see....
Kjorteo: OK, then!  Let's go!

----------

[#3: Storm and Calm -- Suddenly it gets dark and stormy on the ocea. The sea tosses Sub-C....]

(Screen fades in on a new patch of land.  Though the weather is back to normal now, Mike is lying unconscious on the beach, and the Sub-C is flipped over and bobbing up and down in a small patch of water surrounded by rocks.  Sad music plays for a bit, then Mike wakes up, and rattles his head.)

---
Kjorteo: Only to find he washed up on an island with a skipper, a millionaire and his wife, a movie star, a professor, and a girl named Mary Ann.
---

*** You awaken to find the Sub-C was wrecked in the storm! ***
*** It's always strangely calm after a storm ***

---
Orin: I thought that was BEFORE a storm..
---

*** From now on you have to walk! ***

---
Spade: Uh-huh.  Like they'd really make you go through the hassle of getting a submarine and modifying it so it can submerge, only to take it away five minutes later and about 1/5 of the way into the game.
---

*After walking for a bit, you find a hut*
{Hut}
-Man: You look tired. Here drink some coconut milk!
*** You drink it and feel much better! ***

---
Orin: Can I make an innuendo here?
Kjorteo: I'd say no, but this is one of those instances where just asking the question pretty much means you already did.
---

(Your life is restored.)
-Man: Go to Miracola and find help for your wrecked ship!

<There's a mountain range blocking your way to Miracola, with a little tunnel leading through it.  It's somewhat like the C-Island tunnel, only much, much smaller, and there's no boss.>

{Miracola}
-Man: Welcome to Miracola
-Boy: Hi, I'm a brave sailor too. Can I go with you?
You almost died at sea?
Um........er......um....
Um, I'm getting seasick
I'd better stay here
-Old Woman: Where do you come from? Americola....??
-Girl: I'm so worried. Bananette has been sick for so long
-Girl: I'm miss Mira 1990. You met miss Coral?
Tell me which of us is best
(You get a choice between Coral and Mira.  If you say Coral, she just says "....................", while if you say Mira, she says "You're so honest, and cute too")

---
Orin: Wait, you're honest for saying she's better?  Isn't that like being honest for saying that dress doesn't make her look fat?
---

-Old Woman: Our chief loves his daughter very much, but alas she is very sick
-Boy: You look tired. Here drink some coconut milk!
*** You drink it and feel much better! ***
-Guard 1: Who are you? Stay away from here!
-Man: Do you know about the castle of Shecola? ...Better not go there!

---
Kjorteo: That's RPG-speak for "Make sure that's your very next stop!"
---

-Guard 2: ....................
{Chief's Hut, secret passage to 2F}
-Guard 3: Bananette is sick in bed
Get out!
{Back outside}
-Guard 1: You may enter
{Chief's Hut}
-Man: I'm just hanging out. He is the chief of Miracola
Chief: I'm chief Miracola. Mike, I've heard of your courageous adventure!
Please.... Can you help me?
One year ago.... Many shooting stars appeared in the sky
And suddenly dreadful lightning flashed!
Since that night, my dear Bananette has slept and she will not awake

---
Spade: (Mike) She's been out for a full year?  Sounds to me like she might have this condition called "death."  Have you checked into that?
---

Please help my daughter! She is upstairs
Some say a mountain hermit lives who has healing spells
You must find him. Please help my daughter, and I'll fix your wrecked ship!
{Chief's Hut, secret passage to 2F}
-Guard 3: Bananette is sick in bed
Oh, you're Mike!

---
Kjorteo: Wow, word sure spreads quickly around here....
---

*He steps aside, letting you enter Bananette's room*
-Bananette's Mother: I'm so worried. Bananette has been sick for so long
-Bananette: Zzzz... Zzzz...
{Outside}
-Guard 2: Good luck!
*He steps aside, letting you out the other side of the village*

<The next tunnel starts out like the others, but near the end there are staircases leading downard, and the colors and surroundings take on a more lava-ish motif in the lower levels.  The boss is a giant fiery being that sits in the middle of a pack of tiles and shoots at you continuously.  He is invulnerable to your weapons, but if you find switches that destroy the supports to his pack of tiles, they sink, submerging him in the water, which douses him and thus destroys him in a nifty little death animation.  The tunnel then leads back upstairs and becomes green again before you exit.>

*As you walk along, you encounter the castle of Shecola*
{Shecola exterior}
-Old Man: Some say a queen of peerless beauty lives in this castle of Shecola!
But only women may enter the castle
Seek help in the fortune teller's camp

---
Orin: The fortune teller does sex change operations?
---

-Guard: I'm a she guard of Shecola. Get out of here!

---
Kjorteo: As opposed to a he guard of Hecola?
---

*Upon walking around the side of the castle, you find a hidden passage behind it leading to the fortune teller's camp*
{Fortune Teller's Camp}
Fortune Teller: I'm a fortune teller! Sorry, but I can't help you
I dropped my crystal ball into a pond at Ghost Village

---
Spade: (Mike) Well maybe you shouldn't have done that.  Wait, what were you doing at Ghost Village anyway?
---

*And so you continue your journey, to Ghost Village (which is actually just a cemetery, apparently they just wanted to give it a flashy name.)*

<Through a secret passage in a fake grave, you enter the Ghost Village dungeon.  The secrecy of even finding the dungeon is a good hint of what is to come; the dungeon is fraught with secret rooms, fake exits, and the like.  Many times the obvious exit to a room will lead you to a trap that forces you to leave the dungeon and start over, while a secret exit leads you further on.  Even the boss' room seems emtpy at first, but using an item you find halfway through the dungeon that allows you to see ghosts makes it materialize.  After the fight, you trigger a device that drains the lake, before the game automatically takes you back outside to Ghost Village.>

*** Look!  The pond has dried up! ***
*As the lake is drained, you can easily see and collect the fortune teller's crystal ball.*
*** You've got the crystal ball! ***

---
Orin: You know, if Mike wasn't the world's biggest wuss when it comes to water, he wouldn't have had to go through that whole ordeal of draining the lake.
---

{Fortune Teller's Camp}
Fortune Teller: Oh my goodness! You have my crystal ball! Please give it back to me

---
Spade: (Mike) Wait, I should give you the crystal ball now?  I just thought I'd go through that whole annoying dungeon, drain the lake, and get the crystal, all just for the sheer fun of it.
---

*** You give it back to her ***
Fortune Teller: I'm back in business! Thank you!!
You want to enter Shecola, don't you?

---
Orin: (Mike) If I didn't, would I have done all that to get you the stupid ball!?
---

I know just what we need to do. OK... just wait, will you?
*The fortune teller's spell causes Mike, after a little animation, to look female, miraculously spawning pigtails and trading his blue shirt and brown pants for a red dress*
Fortune Teller: You sure look silly, dressed up like a girl! But it may work
By the way, let me read your fortune
Oh, in the crystal ball I can foresee....

---
Spade: (Fortune Teller) You...being annoyed...at the stupidity of this game!
---

Risking life and limb.... A bridge over troubled water...

---
Kjorteo: (Fortune Teller) Being kidnapped by space aliens and forced to listen to Simon and Garfunkel....
---

struggling to escape
...Oh, some evil...mystic...powers from a star far...far away....

---
Orin: (Fortune Teller) And some...great evil...or something...yeah, that's it....
---

I'm sure those powers are controlling the monsters in the dark below...
...Oh, omens of disaster! ............................ ...I can't continue

---
Spade: (Fortune Teller) You've gone over the time limit, you see.  That'll be another $50 for the next hour.
---

Oh me...oh my...fortune favors the brave so don't mind me
Now, let's enter Shecola
{Shecola Exterior}
*The fortune teller is blocking the way, so you can't leave (apparently they don't want you wandering around the world map in that dress.)*
-Fortune Teller: Now you enter Shecola
-Guard: You must be from Radicola. You may enter
-Guard: .......??

{Shecola}
-Woman: I'm a warrior of Shecola.

---
Kjorteo: Are you, now?  That's nice.
---

-Woman: We are busy training
Don't disturb us!
-Woman: I'm a warrior of Shecola. Are you a newcomer from Hercola?
-Woman: Training and more training
I'm tired
*At the top of a flight of stairs is the queen*

---
Spade: She doesn't seem to be "of peerless beauty" to me...woof.
---

Queen: I'm Queen Shecola. I hear a fight occured at the Ghost Village
You've beaten all the ghosts at the haunted village?

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) No, I lost to them and died.  That's why I'm here now.
---

Oh! You're a super girl! What's your name?
*** You respond... Michael...Mich...Michelle
Michelle is my name! ***
Queen: Michelle?  Good name. I like you! Why don't you join us?
You say you must visit a mountain hermit? We will miss you....

---
Orin: (Queen) Despite the fact that we've known you for all of two minutes....
---

You'll save time if you talk to our head warrior first, OK?
By the way Michelle.... Your voice is strong like a man's......hmm.......
*** You cough ***
Queen: I see! You have a cold
Michelle! You have a funny yoyo, don't you?

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Trust me, this yoyo is not funny.  Have you heard its knock-knock jokes?
---

I'll give you a powerful weapon, called Shooting Star
*** You've got a new weapon, Shooting Star! ***
Queen: Listen! You need more than 6 red hearts to handle the Shooting Star with skill

---
Kjorteo: Orange hearts don't count!
---

Good-bye, Michelle
*You go back down to the rest of Shecola.*
-Head Warrior: I'm the head warrior

---
Orin: Can I make another innuendo here?...Oh, I just did again, didn't I..  Sorry.
---

Want to travel west?
Listen! Shout "Abracadabra" and jump 10 times at the tunnel end
{Shecola exterior}
-Fortune Teller: Do you want to change your clothes?

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Actually, the dress is my color and it really goes with these pumps...what do you think?
---

(You get a yes or no choice, if you choose No she just says "Now you enter Shecola" again.  If you say Yes....)
-Fortune Teller: OK... just wait, will you?
*Another flashy animation, and Mike is back to normal*
-Fortune Teller: There, I finished!
Good-Bye!
*She suddenly runs off*
-Old Man: Ha, ha! Oh, deary... you were very cute!

<The tunnel they speak of is a very, very small thing, that's as straightforward as can be with the exception of the room that the Shecola head warrior spoke of, which is basically there to make sure you don't make it through the tunnel without completing the Ghost Village and Shecola events first.  The enemies are things you found in Chapter 2, basically put there to show you how cool your Shooting Star is because you can kill them in one hit now.  There's no boss.>

*After wandering around for a bit on this part of the map, you find a hut and yet another tunnel*

{Hut}
-Po: I'm Po, the famous poet of southern islands. Like my poems?
"Rain drops from heavens
Fountains spring from Earth
Lifting my spirits high"

---
Spade: Actually...that really sucked.
Kjorteo: But we have to like it since it's obviously some sort of thinly-veiled clue as to what to do in the next dungeon.
---

<This dungeon has another section where you climb down stairs into a lava-filled area, and climb back up into the traditional greenery, but there's no boss, you just go through some rooms down there then come back up.  At the end, there's a center room with eight surrounding rooms.  The idea is to wander around the surrounding rooms until you find one that has a secret passage to the center one.  In the center is a geyser which, when jumped on, will shoot you out of the dungeon (and up to the top of the mountain, where the hermit is.)>

{Top of Hermit's Mountain}
Hermit: You came very far in search of my spell
Oh! You are fantastic!
I'll give you the scroll of Obob
*** You've got the Scroll ***
Hermit: Don't mention it. Hurry and save the girl!

---
Kjorteo: If he already knows what's going on, couldn't he have done everything himself?
---

(The screen gets entirely dark, with the exception of Mike in the middle, apparently running)
*** Run, run! Hurry, hurry! Run, run! Hurry, hurry! Run, run! Hurry, hurry! Run, run! Hurry, hurry! ***
*** Tired and out of breath, you arrive at Miracola ***

---
Spade: If she's been out for a solid year, I seriously doubt another five or ten minutes is going to make that much of a difference.
---

(Suddenly it's the type of screen you see when talking to the chiefs, only Chief Miracola and Bananette (asleep on a table) are there.)
Chief: Mike, please read the scroll and wake Bananette!
"Bebob...Bobob"
"Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes)
"Bebob Bobob Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes)
"Get Up Obob Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes and the chief turns his head and looks toward Bananette)
Chief: Wake up! Wake my Bananette!
(Bananette's eyelids start to twitch)
"Bebob...Bobob"
"Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes and Bananette's eyelids stop twitching)

---
Kjorteo: Oh, it didn't work...I'll bet that hermit just wanted to humiliate Mike by making me read that incredibly stupid-sounding text.
---

"Bebob Bobob Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes)
"Get Up Obob Ooma Ooma Obob"
(The screen flashes, the chief looks at Bananette, Bananette's eyelids start twitching)
Chief: Wake up! Wake my Bananette!
(Banatte wakes up and sits up)
Chief: Wow, it's a miracola! Bananette, daddy's here

---
Orin: Wow, two bad puns in one sentence!  Right next to each other, no less!
---

Bananette: ....Yawwwn... Goood moorrning daaaddy, I sure slept well

---
Spade: (Chief) Well, a solid year isn't exactly a light nap....
---

Yawwwn...I'm hungry! Is desert ready?
Chief: Bananette! Put down that banana cream pie...Bananette?

---
Orin: (Chief) Mike!  I changed my mind!  How do you put her back to sleep?
---

Mike! We'll never forget your kindness

---
Kjorteo: (Chief) Qui Quy! Qui...K Qui Quy?
---

You say you must go?
Oh yes! To rescue your uncle

---
Spade: Oh, Dr. J, that's right.  I forgot about him by about the 50th fetch quest in this stupid chapter....
---

I've ordered the repair of your ship.  Let's go!

(On the world map, the chief, the chief's friend (who was just hanging out), and the guy who says "Welcome to Miracola" are standing there seeing you off, but you can only talk to the chief since he blocks the way to the other two)
-Chief: Mike! Good luck!

{Sub-C}
Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain! I have been waiting for you to return
Sub-C is ready to launch. All ahead full!

*The Sub-C heads east as the chapter fades out*

---
Spade: About time....
Kjorteo: (Mike) Nav-Com, I've been thinking...would having an actual destination help us find Dr. J?
---

[#3: Confession -- Sub-C is cruising on the ocean.... A small island appears on the horizon....]

---
Orin: (Narrator) In other words, nothing even remotely eventful is going on....
Spade: Sounds like the confession is that they've run out of ideas.
---

*The island in question is shaped exactly like a fish, with a village where the fish's eye would be.*
{Tunacola}
-Fisherman: I'm a fisherman! I've missed a bi...ig one  As big as a whale!

---
Orin: Did he lose his train of thought in the middle of the sentence or something?
Kjorteo: (Fisherman) I missed a bi--OOH, A SHINY THING!!..wait...what was I saying?...oh yeah--ig one, as big as a whale!!
---

-Fisherman: I'm a fisherman! Welcome to Tunacola
-Girl: My daddy is a fisherman
-Boy: I'll become a good fisherman like my daddy

---
Kjorteo: I think I'm beginning to notice a theme with this village....
---

-Old Woman: Have you ever heard of the raw fish eater's island, Sushicola?

---
All: *...*
---

-Boy: Hi, my name is Bate

---
All: *... ... ...*
---

Today I met a guy sailing all the way from C-Island to find a boy like you
I'll bet he's still rowing his raft on the east ocean!

*You leave the island and get back on the Sub-C, cruise eastward for about ten seconds, and then a big black whale appears out of nowhere and swallows your ship whole.  Inside the whale, you meet Baboo.*
Baboo: Wow Mike? It's me Baboo, Dr. J's assistant! Do you remember me?

---
Kjorteo: (Sally) My sweet Baboo!...Um, I mean, yeah, vaguely....
---

At last I've found you! But did we have to meet in the belly of this whale?

---
Orin: Why is he making it sound like it was Mike's idea?
Kjorteo: (Mike) I dunno, I think this spot is rather cozy.
---

Mike, I must tell you I witnessed the kidnap of your uncle!
A huge flying ship appeared in the sky....

---
Orin: (Baboo) Yeah, that's it....
---

I did not tell you because I was afraid it would return for me!
But the Southern Cross gave me courage and strength to find you
I'm sorry I was scared but now I must help!
Let's find a way out of this fish with bad taste!

---
Spade: Well, anyone who would be interested in you and Mike would have questionable taste, yes....
---

Well let me see...
That's it Mike! We'll make him sneeze! Let's build a fire

---
Orin: He gets more and more contrived by the sentence, he does.
---

Dr.J gave me a lighter... It was in my pocket... pocket... ???
Shoot! I lost it when I was swallowed

---
Kjorteo: Aww, gee!
Spade: Golly!
Orin: Gosh darn!
---

It must be around here. Let's find it!

*After an excrutiating labyrinth-like series of mazes and submerging puzzles with the Sub-C, you finally find the lighter*
*** You've got the lighter! ***
*After getting back to Baboo*

Baboo: Mike! Let's build a fire
* You've built a fire!

---
Spade: Even if a tropical islander using a lighter instead of opting to rub sticks together or something DID make sense, how would the lighter still be working after being swallowed by a whale and all?
---

(A flame appears over Baboo's raft)
* It's getting smokier!
(Smoke appears over the flame)
* It's getting smokier!
(More smoke appears over the flame)
Baboo: Mike, help! I've got smoke in my eyes

---
Kjorteo: *Starts signing* Smoke gets in your eyes....
---

* It's getting smokier!
(So much smoke appears that you can no longer see the raft, Baboo, or Mike)
"Aahh  Aaahhh"
"Aahh  Aaahhh" "Aaaahhhhchoooo....!!"
(Screen shakes violently, and then cuts to a scene of the whale sneezing, firing Mike, Baboo, and the Sub-C on a little 5x5 or so island, with the Sub-C landing just on the shore in the water)
Baboo: Whew... we made it! I promise never to smoke again!

---
Orin: Huh?  Wait, the fact that Baboo had that lighter was what wound up saving them, why would that prompt him to give up the habit?
Kjorteo: 'Cause otherwise Nintendo wouldn't be sending kids proper no-smoking messages and stuff.
---

OK, Mike! I have to tell you Dr.J's last words....

---
Orin: (Baboo) "GAH!  Quit stabbing me, Baboo!  That hurts!  AAAHH!  You can have the lighter!  Just please don't--"....uh...wait...did I say last words?  I meant the last thing he said before...uh...being kidnapped by the aliens and stuff...yeah...
---

"Evil aliens from a distant planet...."
"Tell Mike to dip my letter in water...."
Do you understand?
(You get a yes or no choice.  If you pick no, Baboo says "Dr.J sent you a letter with a map of C-Island few weeks ago!" [yes, the lack of an "a" after C-Island is how it actually is in the real game] and then starts over at "OK, Mike! I have to tell you Dr.J's last words....".  Once you pick yes, Baboo's speech continues.)
Baboo: Dr.J has been abducted by aliens in the flying ship!

---
Kjorteo: (Baboo) Really!  So don't look at me suspiciously like that or anything!
---

Mike, leave me here. I'll be OK. Please help Dr.J!

---
Orin: Leave him there on a 5x5 island with nothing but one palm tree that doesn't even have anything on it?  And he says he'll be OK?
Spade: Whatever.  If it means not dealing with him again....
---

{Sub-C cockpit}
Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain!
Input frequency!!
(This is outwardly passed off as a plot device for getting Dr. J's frequency so you can track him down, though it's really basically a password system so you can't get past this point without knowing the frequency.)
(If you get the frequency wrong, Nav-Com says "Important info from Nav-Com  Put water on Dr.J's letter in the instruction booklet!" and asks for the frequency again.)
(The idea is to take the instruction booklet that comes with the RL StarTropics cart, and one page is a letter from Dr. J to Mike.  When dipped in water, you see some sort of message [don't ask me what, it's been ages since I laid eyes on the actual StarTropics instruction manual] and a note at the bottom saying the frequency is 747 MHz.  This is what you need to enter when Nav-Com asks for the frequency, and once you enter it, the game continues.)

---
Spade: OK, passwords like this are evil anyway, but even still, wouldn't they want to keep game pirates away in the FIRST chapter?
Kjorteo: (Nintendo) We'll show you!  We'll only let you play...HALF the game!  Mwahahahaha!!
---

Nav-Com: Aye, aye, captain! Frequency tracking system set for Dr.J's location
If I pick up a signal, I'll alert you!
Sub-C is ready to launch. All ahead full!

*The Sub-C sails eastward, leaving Baboo on the island, as the scene and chapter fade out.*

[#4: Captain Bell -- Sub-C is searching for Dr.Jones location.... But the strait is blocked!]

---
Kjorteo: Dun-dun-DUNNNNNN....
Spade: So, just go around.
Orin: What, and miss out on a perfectly good random fetch quest?
---

*As the chapter fades in, sure enough, you see two islands split by a 1-tile-wide passage of water, but a large pirate ship is blocking said passage.  On one of the islands is a village.*
{Bellcola}
-Man: Welcome to Bellcola!
-Boy: I wanna be a hero.... like Captain Bell
-Girl: Don't you know the story of our "Island Father", the British Captain Bell?
Not my papa. Dummy! He's our "Island Father"

---
Orin: (Impression of a retarded version of Mike) Hur hur...he gave birth to the whole island?  Ouchie!  Wait...guys don't do that....OK, so who's yer mom, then?
---

-Guard: Who are you? Stay away!

---
Kjorteo: from here!
---

-Old Woman: Hi, I'm the 2nd oldest in all the islands, 128 years
-Woman: Welcome to Bellcola!
-Boy: I get up early to fish. The early bird catches the worm, you know!

---
Spade: (Boy) Too bad I'm so mixed up that all I catch are worms and I still haven't actually caught a /fish/.
---

-Man: It's impossible to cross the strait now
-Musician: Hi, I'm a great song writer. Do you like my song? "Mi So My Bell Mi So"

---
Orin: (Mike) Uhm...*clears throat* You're a "great" song writer, you say?
---

(After talking with everyone)
-Guard: Oh, you're from C-Island! Our chief is waiting for you
Chief: Mike, I'm chief Bellcola. I got a letter from C-Island by carrier pigeon

---
Kjorteo: Bah, just admit that it was e-mail, we already know from the whole lighter thing that the technology doesn't match the setting.
---

Chief Coralcola asked me to give you the secret of the strait
But I'm not sure... do you promise to keep it secret?
(You get a yes or no choice.  If you choose no, the chief says "No? No secret no chat!" and the conversation ends, making you have to talk to him again and start over.  Once you pick yes, he continues.)
Chief: OK, I believe you. Listen carefully!...

---
Spade: (Mike) Mwahaha...now, who should I tell first?
---

In 1680 the British Captain Bell battled with pirates invading our islands...
He blocked the strait by sacrificing his own ship  saving our islands
Since then, Captain Bell has been known as the "Island Father"
But he left a secret in his cave to open the strait
Mike, it's not easy to enter Bell's cave. You need the help of Peter!
Good luck!

---
Orin: (Mike) Uh...so nice of you to just give me the first name of someone I need help from, and not tell me anything else that might actually be useful....
---

*If you go to the world map now, you see a parrot standing on it.
Parrot: Hello! Peter I am! Peter I am, awk!
No gift no chat! No gift no chat!

*After boarding the Sub-C and wandering around the world map, you find a hut on the other island.*
{Hut}
Man: Hi, my name is Hook. I'm the fishing master
Do you wanna know the ABC's of fishing?
(You get a yes or no choice.  If you pick no, he asks "Is your name Nester?" and the conversation ends.  If you pick yes, he continues.)

---
Spade: ...Nester?
Kjorteo: This may or may not be relevant, but join the Nintendo Fun Club today!!
---

Hook: OK, wake up early and find a fresh worm for bait!
The island saying is "The early bird catches the worm...and fish, too"
Here is a fresh worm for you
*** You've got a fresh worm! ***

*With worm in hand, you go back to Peter.*
Peter: Hello! Peter I am! Peter I am, awk!
No gift no chat! No gift no chat!
*** You give him the worm! ***
Peter: Yes gift...awk! Awk! Yes gift...awk! Awk!
Good morning, Captain Bell  Good morning, Captain Bell
Hide Peter hide awk! Do me so far, do me?
Hide Peter hide awk! Do me so far, do me?

---
Orin: *Blinks*
Spade: Er...yeah.
---

*You return to the second island near Hook's hut.  Through a series of secret passages through the mountain fields on the world map, you Captain Bell's memorial.  Inside is a giant 8-note keyboard (not counting flat keys that you can't reach)--big enough that you play each key by stepping on it--and a stairway leading down through a passage blocked by flames.*
Woman: I maintain Captain Bell's memorial! Boy, don't touch anything
By the way, Peter's great grandpa was Captain Bell's parrot, did you know?
*After remembering Peter's cryptic babble and changing it into song notes ("Do mi so fa do mi"), the flames disappear, and the passage is opened.  The passage leads to Bell's cave, with a secret passage halfway through which leads to a room with a Big Heart.*
<Bell's cave is littered with traps.  There aren't very many actual monsters and such, but there are sinkholes, spears that fly out of the wall, spears that come out of the ground, giant bowling balls (!) that roll back and forth and which you must avoid lest you be crushed, etc.  Afer traversing this obstacle course, you reach a room wit a paddlewheel and a tile.  Jumping on the tile three times causes the dam near the paddlewheel to break, making water flow through the opening and thus making the paddlewheel turn.  Once this happens, you are transported out of the dungeon automatically.>
(The game plays God Save the Queen [well, it's instrumental, so you can't tell whether it's that or Our Country, 'Tis of Thee, but since Captain Bell was British, it's most likely God Save the Queen] while focusing on Bell's ship.  As the song ends, Bell's ship sinks, opening the space between the two islands.  The scene then switches to the Sub-C sailing north through the passage, with Chief Bellcola and a boy from the village seeing you off as the scene and chapter fade out.)

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) OK, Nav-Com, we just walked up to a historical and cultural icon that's been the islanders' reminder of their hero for centuries and caused it to sink an hour later just because we were too lazy to sail around it.  Yup, we're heroes, all right!
Spade: Notice how even though they have that half-baked frequency tracker thing for Dr. J now, they STILL just look for him by picking a random direction and sailing that way until something happens.
---

----------
<StarTropics disappears, leaving the three in the empty theater>
Orin: Uh...Kj?  I think we need a break.
Kjorteo: Oh?
Orin: Well, Spade is about to go insane....
Spade: Stupidity...overdose....
Kjorteo: Spade is always about to go insane.  He just doesn't have a stomach for these sorts of things.  But I guess it couldn't hurt....OK, let's call it a night, and we'll pick up in the morning.  OK?
Spade: Or we could just call it a night, and NOT pick up in the morning....
Kjorteo: Bah, we're getting closer.  We can't quit now!
Spade: OH YES WE CAN.
Kjorteo: *Blasts Spade Space Ghost style* OH NO WE CAN'T.
Spade: OWWWWWW!!!  OK, OK...but we can at least take a break for the night?
Kjorteo: Sure, why not.
Spade/Orin: YAY!
<The scene darkens and the soothing 5-second music clip from a console RPG Inn plays.  When it's done, the scene fades back in>
Orin: Ahh....that was needed.
Kjorteo: Right-o!  So, shall we get back to it?
Orin: I guess...though I think Spade is having a nightmare.
Spade: *Mumbling* Fetch quests...fetch quests...too many of them...they're after me...no...no....
Kjorteo: *Lightly kicks Spade* Oh, get up, you.
Spade: *Sitting up quickly and screaming* NOOOO!!  GET YOUR DAUGHTER TO WAKE UP YOURSELF!!  AAAAHHHH!!!--......Huh?  *Looks around and sees Kjorteo and Orin* ...Oh, it was just a dream....*flumps back to the ground*
Kjorteo: Ready to start MSTing again?
Spade: No, as a matter of--
Kjorteo: Right-o!  Let's go then.
<StarTropics appears again>
----------

[#6: Reunion -- Sub-C is searching for Dr.Jones location.... Will Nav-Com catch his signal in time?]

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Hurry up and find him, Nav-Com!  Only a couple hours left before it's my bedtime!!
Orin: Not to kill the edge-of-your-seat suspense and blow part of the spellbinding plot, but would they name the chapter "Reunion" if Nav-Com didn't successfully track him down?
---

*You start in the middle of the sea, but north and south are shallow water (that the Sub-C can't go through, so it's basically treated as a wall) and going west is an infinite loop, so you need to go east.  After going east, you find several small islands, one of which has a small village on it.*
{Howduyadu-Cola}
Man: Welcome to Howduyadu-Cola!
Boy, I'm a game master
Name Po's Poem...  _____ __ ___ ________

---
Kjorteo: Po's poem is "Rain drops from heavens/Fountains spring from Earth/Lifting my spirits high".  None of those lines fit in those blanks.  That's a trick question.  Ha!
*Orin and Spade look at Kjorteo strangely*
Kjorteo: ...No, it DOESN'T make a difference.  But I thought I should point that out anyway.
---

Are you a game master?
Old Man: Boy! I may have seen the same boat as yours. Ahh... about a month ago!
Doctor PJ's...uh...DJ...um... Dr. Whatd'yacall'im was sailing your boat....
Searcing for a lost... lost... whatchamacallit!! You know!

---
Orin: (Old Man) Curse you, Senil...selinit...memory-eraser-forgetter thingy!!
---

Old Woman: Hi, I'm the 3rd oldest in all the islands, 177 years
Old Woman: Hi, I'm the 2nd oldest in all the islands, 188 years
Hmm. You say you've already met the 2nd oldest? You must be mistaken

---
Kjorteo: (Old Woman) What, that girl in Bellcola?  She's only 128!  The whippersnapper!
---

You must have bananas in your ears!

---
Spade: Er...yes, that must be a real problem with kids today, I'd imagine....
---

Old Woman: I'm the oldest one of all in the islands, 199 years but young at heart
Here's a secret...try looking for a big heart on an isle around here

---
Orin: (Old Woman) I hung around 109 years longer than I was supposed to just so I could tell you that, so you'd better be grateful!  Kids today, no respect for their elders....
---

{Sub-C}
Nav-Com: Alert!  Alert!  Alert! Signal detected!

---
Spade: (Nav-Com) An interesting plot twist is taking place three games from here!
---

Dr.J's location is North 49 East 28
Sub-C is ready to launch. All ahead full!
(In this chapter, every time you leave the Sub-C and get back on, Nav-Com will give you this message, only with the proper coordinates for the distance away from this alleged location.  Since you get on and off the Sub-C a lot in this chapter, for the sake of not being tedious, it won't be repeated (just like the "Wow! You've done it!" messages and the messages for getting Big Hearts).)

*After searching around a bit, you find an island that has a big apple on it...it looks like a big heart, only it's an apple*
*** You've got a big apple! ***
* It's delicious
* But nothing happens

---
Orin: (Mike) At last, the mystical apple of DOOOOOM!!  With this, I can conquer--...wait, this is an ordinary apple.  Drat.
---

*After searching some more, you find the real big heart, as well as another island that has a hut on it.  The hut has a skeleton in it.*

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Dr. J!!  Curse you, Baboo!!  Curse yooouuuu!!
---

* Who was this?
* Initials R.C...
* Hmm...Rob Crusocola??

---
Spade: Close enough.
---

*You do a series of submerging puzzles with the Sub-C to get further along in the level.  As you near the location, Nav-Com starts telling you so even without you getting off and on the Sub-C*
Nav-Com: Captain!  Signal detected! North 20 East 11
(He gives you the same message at North 20 East 11, North 5 East 6, North 3 East 0, and North 1 East 0.)
{North 0 East 0 (Dr.J's alleged location)}
Nav-Com: Captain! The signal has stopped ??????

---
Orin: (Nav-Com) Actually, I was just messing with you.  There never was a signal.  Baboo killed Dr. J long ago.  Ha-ha, gotcha!
---

(Two spaces to the north is land, with a forest on it, only the trees are red and in the middle is a weird-looking crater.)  *If you submerge at North 0 East 0, you are taken to a neat underwater coral reef-looking setting for one room, with a cave entrance at the north wall.  If you enter it, you automatically leave the Sub-C and switch to the dungeon-type mode of gameplay that is used for caves and such.)
<The alleged underwater dungeon is actually three rooms set to the Sub-C music, each totally empty with nothing but a passage leading north.  It gets successively darker in each of the three rooms, the third being totally pitch black.  Once you go north from there, you go back to the overworld-style graphics, only you're in a strange set of ruins, on dry land (with the Sub-C nowhere in sight), and no way back.  However, this only lasts for one room, and at the north exit of this is another actual dungeon-type cave.>

---
Spade: StarTropics, the game that dares to be indecisive on whether there should be a dungeon in this level...
--- 

<The /real/ ruins cave is more like an actual cave, with enemies and such.  Halfway through the cave, there is a boss that fights exactly like the octopus in chapter 2 did, only there are no Snowman Dolls here, so you have to just be fast and attack when he comes down toward you and before he can go back up.  Fortunately, he's really easy to beat if you're healthy enough to have the added range and power of the Shooting Star instead of the Yo-Yo.  After progressing through more of the cave, you collect some baseballs (which work like regular throwing weapons) and then meet the real boss: an animated Easter Island head who hovers around the room, stopping to fire snakes at you from his mouth.  This battle works somewhat like the C-Serpet battle from Chapter 1 did: dodge the snakes and throw baseballs into his open mouth.>

---
Spade: ...And recycle old bosses!
---

*After the series of caves you wind up inside the ruins.  After navigating the somewhat maze-like passages of the ruins, you find a Big Heart, and then a strange meteor*
* What is this big rock?
* It looks like metal
* melted by some great heat!
* It has 3 holes where
* something used to be

---
Kjorteo: Dear gods, it's a giant melted bowling ball!!
---

* Some strange cipher is
* inscribed here...???
* But you can't read it

---
Orin: (Mike) S...see...sp..ot...See spot...r...ru...n?  This is too hard!!
---

<After the meteor room, you wind up in yet another cave.  This one really tries to surprise you, as there are many fake exits and forks in the road.  In addition, there are two occasions in the cave where you think you're fighting the boss but then there's more cave ahead of them--once with a giant doll that spins around and shoots things at you, and once with two of them at the same time.  The real boss is a pair of statues that sit in the corners of the room and shoot fireballs at you.  The idea is to dodge those while using a weapon you picked up that splits and fires stars to either side of you to hit both of them until they explode.>
*You walk around in the ruins some more, and pass a room that has a large hole in the middle of it, looking like a crater or something.  In the next room, you finally find Dr. J!>

---
Spade: (Mike) Uh...shouldn't you be held captive by evil aliens or something?
---

Dr. J: Hey Mike! It's me, uncle Steve! You found me

---
Kjorteo: Uncle Steve??
Orin: He must be Steve Jones or something.
Spade: Rrgh...too many names for the same character...confusing!  Agh!!
---

* You stand speechless...
* He looks very much like
* your father
(At this point the music turns into a heartwarming reunion-y theme)
Mike: Uncle....! Are you all right?
Dr. J: Yes, I'm all right. But you're fantastic.

---
Orin: Wait, those two ideas weren't connected.
Kjorteo: (Dr. J) The aliens didn't hurt me too much, but there's only 40 shopping days until Christmas.  However, birds have feathers.
---

I'm very proud of you, Mike!
Let me tell you.... what happened. Listen carefully!...

---
Spade: (Dr.J) It started... a while ago.  They forced me to... say my lines... in fragments!\
---

A month ago I found a big rock in these ruins.... I think you know the one

---
Kjorteo: (Dr.J) You know JUST what I'm talking about, you little troublemaker.
---

I decoded the cipher. It told of an incredible story...

---
Spade: (Dr.J) It had a plot that was actually good!  It was pretty weird....
---

On a far away planet called Argonia, the Argonians battled evil aliens
The Argonians were all but destroyed. They sent their last escape pod to Earth

---
Kjorteo: Now he sounds like he's pitching this story to Mike like it's the next hit movie....
---

Mike! The rock you saw is the burned remains of that escape pod, and....
The pod was carrying 3 powerful magic cubes. They are very important!

---
Orin: (Dr.J) Now, I haven't thought of the hero or love interest yet, but the basic premise is pretty cool!  So, what do you think?
---

The evil aliens chased those magic cubes to Earth, and abducted me to get at them
The story is complicated. Do you want me to repeat it?

---
Spade: (Mike) Bah.  Your nickname collection is more complicated than that story.
---

(You get a yes or no choice.  If you pick yes, he goes back to the line "Let me tell you...what happened. Listen carefully!..." If you pick no, he continues.)
The aliens forced me to reveal the location of the magic cubes
I'm ashamed...I was too weak

---
Kjorteo: (Dr.J) I couldn't take it anymore...the probing...THE PROBING!!  Oh gods....
---

Now they've taken them from the big rock!
The magic cubes must have been sent to Earth for a reason

---
Orin: Argonian LSD transport?
---

Mike! Please get them back from the evil aliens
*** You respond bravely...

---
Spade: (Mike) F*** off!
---

Mike: I will go to the alien spaceship and get them back!
Dr.J: Mike, leave me here. I'll be OK. Good luck!
(If you talk to him again after this, he asks "Mike, did you get the bananas out of your ears?" and gives you a yes or no choice.  If you say yes he says "Mike, leave me here. I'll be OK. Good luck!", if you say no he repeats the entire story of the Argonians again.)
*Just past Dr.J is a staircase leading up.  This leads you back to land, near that crater you saw at North 0 East 0.  You walk north as the scene and chapter fade out.*

[#7: Alien Spaceship -- At last you have arrived at the spaceship.... Find the 3 magic cubes!]

---
Orin: (Narrator) Hurry!  Dr.J gets cranky without his acid!
---

*You start with walls of mountains to the left and right, and an infinite loop to the south.  To the north is the alien spaceship, which immediately starts with a dungeon once you get on board.*
<The first spaceship dungeon is the most maze-like dungeon in the game.  Many rooms have at least three exits, and there are many teleporters to work your way through as you battle the alien guards and stationary turrets.  The boss is the most difficult one thus far; two slow-moving alien gunners that float around the screen.  While not very fast, they shoot rapidly and frequently at you.>

*After getting out of the first dungeon, you walk through two rooms of the ship before finding the first cube.*
*** You've got one magic cube! ***
* You feel a strange power
* flow into your weapon!

---
Orin: Yup, Viagra will do that every time.
---

(The screen flashes)
*** Your weapon, shooting star becomes a super nova! ***

---
Spade: And since Supernovas are the large and crushing climactic stages of stars which reach temperatures that can liquify anything in a radius spanning thousands of miles, everyone dies and the game ends.
---

*With the super nova in hand, you go into anoter spaceship dungeon.*
<The second spaceship dungeon is perfectly linear; there are no twists or turns anywhere.  There are a lot of enemies, but with the vast power and full-screen range of the super nova, they can be dispatched fairly easily.  (This dungeon is at least partially just to show off how cool the super nova is.)  There's a miniboss room with an alien gunner, more dungeon, and then the real boss.  Hitting this boss only knocks it back, it cannot be beaten to death.  However, there's a button on the middle of the platform which causes the end to disappear, and you can drive the thing back into the pit and kill it.  This is pathetically easy since the super nova can blast the thing all the way across the screen.>
*After leaving this dungeon, you go through an excrutiating labyrinth of twists, turns, and stairs, and finally reach the second cube*
*** You've got another magic cube! ***
* You feel a strange power
* flow into yourself!

---
Orin: Duuude....
Kjorteo: (Dr.J) Hey, you weren't supposed to consume those things!  Those are MINE!!
---

(The screen flashes)
*** Your life level is fully increased! ***
* Everything is ready!
* Now for the last magic
* cube!
* ???
(The screen shakes)
* ???
(The screen shakes)

---
Orin: (Mike) Whoa...I think cube is kicking in!
---

*** You shout... it's moving ...!! An earthquake ...??
Oh no!
(The screen shakes twice)
We're taking off!!
(Several scenes of the ship with the lights on its top flashing are shown, each with the ground successively smaller, until finally the ship is well into the air, and it starts moving as the scene abruptly stops, along with the chapter.)

[8: Final battle -- The alien spaceship is circling the Earth.... hurry up and find the last magic cube!]

---
Spade: YAY, the final battle!!
Kjorteo: See?  I told you, we're almost there.
Spade: *Ahem* Yes, Mike, HURRY UP and get the stupid cube so we can go home....
---

(You see the scene of the ship moving forward for a few more seconds before it cuts to you in a new part of the ship.  You take 4 steps forward when it shifts to a scene of an evil-looking guy looking at you)
* An illusionary image
* appears before you

---
Orin: (Mike) Man, this IS some good stuff in this cube....
---

* You hear an evil voice
Zoda: Ha, ha!...Ha, ha!  I am the prime... invader..., Zoda

---
Kjorteo: (Zoda) You'll have to forgive me...for panting...I got here as...fast as I could...and I'm a little...out of shape.
---

Come on! Try and beat me. You'll be defeated like the Argonians....
We'll destroy you. Ha, ha!...Ha, ha! Come on, Mike!  Come on!

---
Spade: (Zoda) Please?
---

* Your head is aching.

---
Orin: (Narrator) You vow to leave the acid in those cubes alone from now on.
---

* You jam bananas in your
* ears

---
Kjorteo: So those inane comments about that from Dr.J and the 200-year-old women were't just senility...ack.
---

*** You shout... Get out of my mind! Alien scum!...
(The vision fades and you are free to enter the next dungeon.)

---
Spade: Bah.  What kind of villain actually listens to the hero?  Pathetic....
---

<Two rooms into the final spaceship dungeon, Zoda appears, then quickly turns into a giant floating head with floating hands.  You have to beat the crap out of the head and dodge the hands.  After doing so, the normal-sized Zoda materializes, turns into a weird purple thing, and leaves, and the path forward opens up.>
<The dungeon is straightforward after that, until the room with the ship's main power generator.  The power generator defends itself by opening hatches and sending alien soldiers after you while it hides behind a shield and repairs itself.  You have to defeat the soldiers, and when the shield is down, do more damage than it can recover next time the shield is up.  When you finally destroy it, the whole screen shakes, darkens, and all the tiles look damaged, signifying the fact that you just destroyed the ship's main power generator.>
<The last leg of this dungeon is a brief walk through about five screens of the ruined ship, with the purple thing Zoda turned into at the end.  Zoda jumps around, shoots at you, and shoots little tentacle things that turn into separate enemies, but the fight is doable if you're good at dodging.>

(The last overworld section of the ship also has the ruined appearance.  The path to the final cube has a lot of turns, but it's straightforward as it never once forks.  Several messages appear in different places as you walk forward.  The screen shakes once after each one, so you can use the screen shaking to note where one ends and another begins.)
* The spaceship is starting
* to explode.... hurry!

---
Spade: As is my patience...hurry!
---

* Get the last magic cube!
(The screen shakes)

---
Orin: Would this be a last-ditch attempt at suspense?
---

* You have no time!
* Get the last magic cube!
(The screen shakes)
* Alert!  Alert!
* You have no time!

---
Kjorteo: Yes, Nav-Com, we're working on it....
---

(The screen shakes)
{At the cube}
*** You've got the last magic cube! ***
*** You shout... I've got it!
(The screen shakes extensively)
But now what do I do?!...

---
Orin: (Mike) What say you, voices in my head?
---

(The screen shakes extensively again, then cuts to a scene of the ship flashing orange, and then to a side view of the ship, rocked by a series of explosions as a small glowing object falls from it.  Finally, what appears to be an escape pod crashes into the ocean, and Mike surfaces.  He swims eastward for about 10 seconds, and then flails his arms and sinks, to the tune you hear when you lose a life in a dungeon.  The sceen fades out, and then back in with Mike laying down on the beach on C-Island.  The dolphin from chapter two makes a bunch of dolphin sound effects as Mike wakes up, and then swims away.)

{Coralcola}
-Man: Welcome back to Coralcola! Congratulations!
-Man: Mike, you rescued Dr.J, didn't you? That's radicola!
-Boy: I hear you creamed Zoda! Mike, show me how to use a Yoyo sometime?

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Sorry, there's a 5-day waiting period on buying yo-yos, and you have to have a liscence and proper training from a state-certified yo-yo range.
---

-Woman: Welcome back to Coralcola! Congratulations!
-Girl: Mike! It's me, miss Coral. You look totally cool! Except for those bananas...

---
Spade: What, he forgot to take them out?  Gah..
---

-Boy: Hi, Mike! You've done it!
(The pig that mooned you in Chapter 1 just plain isn't there now)
-Woman: I have to hurry! I'm gonna roast a pig for your victory party

---
Kjorteo: When you're such a slow cook that your pig escapes, and you take an entire game to make a meal and still haven't even started, that's a bad sign.
---

-Girl: Dr.J has already returned and he's waiting for you!

---
Orin: (Girl) Boy, you're really in trouble this time!
---

-Old Woman: Where do you come from? Spacycola....??

---
Spade: (Mike) I come from Youareanidiotcola.
---

-Old Man: Oh! You are fantastic!

---
Orin: (Old Man) That was the best sex I've ever had!
---

-Boy: Mike! Want to go fishing? Have you mastered the ABC's of fishing ....??

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) No, because I had to use my worm to bribe a parrot.
---

-Guard: Who are you? Stay away from here!
Ha, ha! I'm just kidding you, Mike!
I guess the shaman is at our chief's hut
-Baboo: Mike! It's me, Baboo! Let's celebrate with some cola....
*** You drink it and feel much better! ***

---
Orin: Why on earth would you need your health restored now?  There's no more fighting....
---

(In the chief's hut, a series of characters that you spoke to in that face-to-face view now appear again and congratulate you, one after another.)
Dr.J: Mike, you've returned! Oh, you have the 3 magic cubes!

---
Dr.J: You used one of them already, but I want the other two!  Now!
---

I knew you could do it!
Chief Coralcola: The monsters have.... disappeared from the islands

---
Orin: (Chief Coralcola) What are we going to use for the amateur bestiality porn now!?  That was our entire economy, you know!!
---

Mike, our island is forever indebted to you!
Nav-Com: Nav-Com here, captain! Circuits indicate success!
Circuits indicate success!

---
Kjorteo: IF Mike=alive AND Dr.J=rescued AND Zoda=defeated THEN Success=yes
---

Shaman: Mike! you've done it!

---
Orin: (Shaman) Except you cheated.  You got a morning star and super nova, you were just supposed to use the yo-yo the whole time.  You fail the test of island courage!
---

You risked life and limb, I know you almost.... gave up your quest....

---
Spade: (Shaman) It was the fetch quests, wasn't it?  Sorry about those....
---

But I'll tell all, you really battled like a hero under the Southern Cross!!
Dr.J: Now Mike! Let's join the 3 magic cubes together

---
Orin: (Dr.J) Think of the high I could get if I took ALL of them!
---

*** You join the 3 magic cubes! ***
(Once joined, the 3 cubes start rotating, more and more rapidly, until they glow brightly and the screen flashes several times.)
* They're transforming!
* Something is happening

---
Spade: In this game?  Ha.
---

(Finally, the screen fades out and back in, with seven children [more like teenagers, but oh well] appearing)
* Wow, they're kids...

---
Kjorteo: (Narrator) I think...hard to tell, they're not exactly good-looking....
---

* Who are they?
* Oh, that one speaks...!!
* Listen!
Mica: Hi, I'm princess Mica  Daughter of the Argonian leader, Hirocon!
We 7 boys and girls are the last beings of the planet Argonia...
20 years ago when our planet is about to be destroyed...
We were placed in the time-frozen magic cubes, and sent to this planet
Our planet no longer exists  But we'll not cry for the past!

---
Orin: (Mike) Zzz...Zzz...hmm?  *Rattles head* I'm sorry, were you saying something?
---

My father Hirocon told me to live in peace with the people of planet Earth

---
Spade: Heh, good luck.
---

*** You speak to her...

---
Kjorteo: (Mike) Get out of my mind, alien scum!
---

Mike: Hi, I'm Mike! We'll find you a home...
(The screen fades out and back in with Dr.J instead of the Argonian children)
Dr.J: Mike, you saved more than cubes... you saved a whole race from extinction

---
Orin: (Dr.J) But...uh...can I still have the cubes?
---

Mica, many kids live on the islands. I know the chief will welcome you here!

---
Spade: (Chief Coral) Whoa, now!  Ixnay!  Ixnay!
---

(The screen fades out and back in with Chief Coralcola)
Chief Coralcola: Oh, 7 boys and girls...!

---
Orin: (Chief Coralcola) Think of the orgies we could have with that combination!
---

We welcome all of you. It's your new home!
You'll be happy living here under the Southern Cross
OK, tonight is the party. It will be a great feast for all
(The screen fades out and back in with the Argonian children)
Mica: We are pleased. You are so kind.........

---
Kjorteo: (Mica) I think....
---

I'm hungry... is that a banana cream pie?
*** You speak to them...

---
Spade: (Mike) Hands off the pie or I'll friggin' kill you.
---

Mike: Hey! Anybody want to go fishing?
(Either Mike or Mica, the game doesn't do a good job clarifying): Let's go!

(The game shows a series of shots that basically zoom out further and further, starting with Coralcola, going through C-Island, the ocean, the Earth, and finally the Milky Way, where "THE END" appears on the screen.)

---
Spade: YAY!  Let's go!!
*Spade bolts for the exit, Kjorteo grabs him*
Spade: Grr....
Kjorteo: We have to watch the credits and stuff!
Spade: I hate you.
---

(A brief series of credits roll, and then the game shifts to a series of pictures.  These are specially drawny images, not screenshots, that depict various scenes of the game in chronological order.  They are:
- Mike standing on a rock and looking forward bravely at the C-Serpent
- The Sub-C sailing toward the Chapter 2 lighthouse
- Mike boldly leaping forward and lunging the Yo-yo out at the giant octopus

---
Orin: The octopus laughing at Mike, asking if he honestly expects to do anything with a yo-yo, and beating him senseless with a series of tentacle slaps.
---

- A cute shot of the mother and baby dolphin floating next to each other
- Mike examining one of the graves at Ghost Village

---
Kjorteo: Whoa, that's a bit of a leap....
Spade: Well, nothing interesting happens between those two.  Or in the whole game, for that matter, but hey.
---

- Mike holding a shining rod up to make the giant ghost in the Ghost Village dungeon visible
- A glowing mike wearing a flowing red dress with a downright grotesque look on his face
- Mike being blasted upward by a giant geyser
- Mike and Chief Miracola looking onward as Bananette wakes up and stretches

---
Orin: (Chief Miracola) Having you wake her up was the dumbest move I've ever made.
---

- The Sub-C sailing down the whale's insides
- A wet piece of paper with the letters "747 MHz" appearing in the wet spot

---
Spade: If I was on the StarTropics scene, I personally would do all I could so the gamer does NOT remember that scene....
---

- Mike giving a worm to Peter the parrot
- Mike running from his life from one of the giant bowling balls in Bell's Cave (very Indiana Jones-ish)
- Captain Bell's ship slowly sinking

---
Kjorteo: (Nav-Com) We should high-tail it before the citizens of Bellcola impale our heads on rusty poles, captain!
---

- The Sub-C submerging and sailing downard
- Mike dodging a stone snake coming from the mouth of the animated Easter Island head
- An alien soldier firing a blue laser at the camera

---
Spade: (Soldier) No, I DON'T want to be in this game!  F*** off!
---

- The weird purple thing Zoda turns into, with one of the tentacle things it shoots at you
- The alien ship exploding as a glowing streak falls from its bottom
- Mike smiling and laughing as he looks to the left of the camrea, holding what appears to be a smooth rock

---
Orin: (Mike) Hey, you!  See this thing?  Want to know what it feels like to have it skipped off your head?  No?  You could just not put me in this game, then.  OK.
---

- Mike smiling toothily at the camera as he stuffs bananas in his ears (I kid you not)

---
All: *... ... ...*
Spade: Oh gods....
---

- The Nintendo logo, complete with ®, as the ballad-like ending music comes to a close

---
Spade: THERE.  NOW we can go home, right?  Right?
Kjorteo: Uh...sure.
Spade and Orin: YAAAAAY!!
---

----------
<Kjorteo walks out of the theater and sees Orin and Spade writing down some notes and observations>
Kjorteo: Huh?  I thought you were going to go home.
Orin: We are, in just a bit.  Spade wanted me to work on something first, though.
Kjorteo: Don't tell me he's making you help with the world domination plans....
Spade: No, no.  We're just working on some notes on what not to do to make a good game.  StarTropics really inspired us!
Kjorteo: I see...what do you have so far?
Orin: *Looks at list and clears throat* Rule number one: Making the hero as weak against water as the wicked witch of the west is annoying.
Spade: *Looks at his copy of list and clears throat as well* Rule number two: Yo-yos, baseballs, and the like are never to be used as weapons.
Orin: Rule number three: When doing close-up conversations with characters, have them wear CLOTHING.  Especially if they're out of shape.  Gods....
Spade: Rule number four: This is a picture I drew of a banana.  This is a picture I drew of the human ear.  Notice how I drew them FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
Orin: Rule number five: Fetch quests.  No.
Kjorteo: Hehe...nice work so far!
Orin/Spade: Thank you!
Spade: We're probably going to call it good for now, though, because I really need to get home.  Got universes to conquer and memories of StarTropics to repress and all.  See ya!  *Goes through trans-dimentional portal*
Orin: Yeah...I'm with him on this one.  Though I've never tried to conquer a universe before...hmn.  Oh well.  See ya.  *Goes through trans-dimentional portal*
Kjorteo: Well, that was fun.  Before closing, I'd just like to express my gratitude for the help of Kumo and Xaq with this MST, brief as it may have been.  I'd also like to apologize to Nintendo.  StarTropics is actually a very fun game, and I have very fond memories of playing it as a child.  Looking back, I wonder how I ever beat those Chapter 7 gunners and Zoda's weird purple thing form without savestates...anyway, this MST is just to poke fun at the corny dialogue of an otherwise exceptionally fun Nintendo classic.  Actually, I enjoyed this game so much that I was actually mad at Nintendo for making StarTropics 2 and ruining it (just like the countless Land Before Time movies ruined the original).  Anyway, I hope you had as much fun reading this MST as I and my colleagues did making it.  Until next time!  *Gives a peace sign to the camera before turning it off*
----------

----------
THE END
----------

----------
MORAL: BANANAS ARE NO SUBSTITUTE FOR Q-TIPS.
----------